i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
