Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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