Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
