just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
