don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
