apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
