Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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