I CAN MOONWALK!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
