I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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