Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
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I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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