you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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