She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I enjoy the company of your penis
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
