Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
