the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
