I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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