It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
