i may or may not be watching the land before time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
