You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
