Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had sex on a roof
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
