Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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