Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
