My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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