so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
