He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
