There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Panties = found
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