i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
