after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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