and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need to sanitize my soul.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
