Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
not ubering you a puppy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
