Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
