also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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