We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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