so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
