her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
