"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
