"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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