Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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