I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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