Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All I want is dick and wine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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