you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
