she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
