Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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