I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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