How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
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It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.