Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?