I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."