PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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