What a fucking waste of an outfit
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
