just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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