We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
