if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My life is pants optional.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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