OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You smell like stripper and shame
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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