I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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