he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
