worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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