All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
