So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
