I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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