Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
