remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
